That’s what I’m doing, I was hoping to find a book recommendation… Most grief books there about death and I was looking for something more specific for marriage
@Laura – best book – recommend by a minister and have since passed on to many… “Crazy Time”. Not religious…but dead right and comforting. It’s on Amazon, don’t remember author
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Not overly focused on marriage but she set out on a buddhist path of awakening partly inspired by her husband leaving her.
Nice isn’t just a place in France. It has NOTHING to do w marriage. It’s dark humor, sarcastic and vain. But I read it when I had a miscarriage and it helped break the funk.
Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh. But I Can laugh because I did that. Now I don’t drink at all anymore. I’m still reading though. One huge help was I started journaling. Most of it sounds like a crazy person but that person needed to get her say. So, stop drinking. Start exercising. Start cleaning out your material stuff. Journal. Read. And sign up for a class. I take my first writing class Saturday ?
@Maggie I second the journaling idea! Going through something similar and just spilling stuff onto a page helps get me through the day. No rules, write / draw / scratch/ sweat….whatever. It helps!!
When I was getting divorced I found a whole sub-genre of divorce memoir and stories. My faves are Under the Tuscan Sun (nonfiction) and Tara Road by Maeve Binchy (fiction). They didn’t really help in the actual recovery, per se, but it’ll helped me feel like someone understood.
Ylanya Vanzants “In the meantime” Is an excellent book. It’s about the work you have to do while being in your “meantime”.Not where you will end up but the road to it.
I actually liked reading memoirs about people surviving other crummy things, not just relationship related. or comedian/actor memoirs. got me out of my own head for awhile anyway. good luck!
Start a journal of you don’t do that already and if you don’t have a companion pet look into getting one. It helps when you feel alone. I often credit my pets for keeping me sane. Because it’s true. They help with grief and sadness and plain old rotten days. Also wine. And treating yourself to things you haven’t done since you got married. Book days in pjs. Treat yourself the way you wish he’d have treated you. Spa days. Flowers for no reason. Whatever it is you wanted him to give you just give it to yourself.
Take care of your health. It’s so easy to get sick when grieving.
You probably don’t have any appetite so use it as an excuse to eat super healthy.
Get massages! A couple a week if you can afford it.
Make social plans but remember that you don’t have to stay long if you get too emotional. Your friends will understand!
Ride your bike, skate, do tumbling, jump rope! Do anything fun that keeps you active because working out (as long as it’s no too strenuous) fights depression.
If you have children let their fun spirits help you through. Let them know that you are sad and trying to get happy again. My Mom used to swing, climb trees, have dance and cartwheel competitions with us! She was battling depression and letting her inner child out was really healing for her.
Be nice to yourself. Think of the person you love the most and try to give equal love, patience, to yourself while you are trying to acclimate
“Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Ephesians 5:20-33 KJV
I read the power of a praying wife by stormy omartian. It helped me realize where my things went wrong and prepared me to choose better the next time. I got exactly what I prayed for ?
Also, adopt a few house plants! I talk to mine when I water and clean them, and I feel like they respond. Also, my 4 year old has a snail ? we named Stanley. Every morning he wakes up excited to see him. Adopt small things you can love ?
@love warrior by @Glennon Doyle Melton @Rising Strong by Dr. Brene Brown @Plan B by Sharon Salzburg Stay brace and kind. Better things are coming. Grieving Is hard work! Be compassionate with yourself.
So sorry for your distress. What you read may depend if you are suffering due to a the death of a spouse or the death of the marriage. either way it si so hard.
First, I am so sorry for your loss. If you need to vent message me. Second, weird book that I found extremely helpful was “he’s just not that into you” by greg behrendt and liz tuccillo. It was an eye opening read and helped me not fall into the standard pitfalls in other relationships.
Lorrie Moore and Jill McCorkle write funny, smart, wise, sad novels about people in contemporary relationships, some of which end and some of which weather various storms. I recommend both writers.
I just finished The comfort food diaries by Emily Nunn. I enjoyed it, I found it to be kind of a meandering read. She suffers a big break-up, the death of her brother, a relapse into alcoholism and some family dysfunction and deals with it by finding more reliable family, reconnecting with old friends and cooking. She includes recipes if that’s a plus for you!
Dorothea Benton Frank has a novel that deals with divorce and moving on and it’s humorous to boot I can’t remember the title but if you look up the author you should find the book
The BEST nonfiction book if he demonstrated any scintilla of verbal abuse is “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” by Patricia Evans. You may think he was not verbally abusive. Check out this book. I bet you will see him. Verbal abuse is not just being called stupid. Or a bitch. It’s a smorgasbord of things men do to woman. I was where you are. I divorced and this book saved my sanity. Also books about Narcissistic Personality Disorder May be helpful. Best of luck.
Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas- helped me understand the emotions (raw, uncontrollable rage, among other wonders I didn’t expect to feel at 60 yrs old). This book was recommended by a dear friend and now I’ve given it to many others.
Losing yourself in the world of books, the pain lessens with time x
That’s what I’m doing, I was hoping to find a book recommendation… Most grief books there about death and I was looking for something more specific for marriage
@Laura – best book – recommend by a minister and have since passed on to many… “Crazy Time”. Not religious…but dead right and comforting. It’s on Amazon, don’t remember author
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Not overly focused on marriage but she set out on a buddhist path of awakening partly inspired by her husband leaving her.
Interesting, thanks
Nice isn’t just a place in France. It has NOTHING to do w marriage. It’s dark humor, sarcastic and vain. But I read it when I had a miscarriage and it helped break the funk.
I like the title, I will look into that, thanks
David Nicholls’ “Us”
Also, Lorrie Moore’s “Paper Losses” is a short story that’s stuck with me: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2006/11/06/paper-losses
@Bianca this was great. Thank you.
books and wine
That’s been my life for the past year LOL
Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh. But I Can laugh because I did that. Now I don’t drink at all anymore. I’m still reading though. One huge help was I started journaling. Most of it sounds like a crazy person but that person needed to get her say. So, stop drinking. Start exercising. Start cleaning out your material stuff. Journal. Read. And sign up for a class. I take my first writing class Saturday ?
@Maggie I second the journaling idea! Going through something similar and just spilling stuff onto a page helps get me through the day. No rules, write / draw / scratch/ sweat….whatever. It helps!!
and a pet
Animal Shelters have wonderful pets looking for homes.
Or just volunteer. Helping an animal or your fellow human being will remind you of what you have and not what is lost.
@Michele I totally agree. Volunteering and helping animals os so rewarding and you completely forget your own worries while you are caring for them.
Abigail Thomas, A Three Dog Life and What Comes Next and How to Like It. Good luck to you
When I was getting divorced I found a whole sub-genre of divorce memoir and stories. My faves are Under the Tuscan Sun (nonfiction) and Tara Road by Maeve Binchy (fiction). They didn’t really help in the actual recovery, per se, but it’ll helped me feel like someone understood.
I did not read under the Tuscan Sun yet, should pick it up
Also, The Light of the World by Elizabeth Alexander
Ylanya Vanzants “In the meantime” Is an excellent book. It’s about the work you have to do while being in your “meantime”.Not where you will end up but the road to it.
Eat, Love , Pray. Or whatever that title is….I just know she finds herself after a relationship fell apart
Is the book better than the film?
In LOVE with Julia Roberts but I couldn’t like the film.
Poetry readings….and yer favorite books. ?
I actually liked reading memoirs about people surviving other crummy things, not just relationship related. or comedian/actor memoirs. got me out of my own head for awhile anyway. good luck!
A Widows Walk by Jennifer Burman
Start a journal of you don’t do that already and if you don’t have a companion pet look into getting one. It helps when you feel alone. I often credit my pets for keeping me sane. Because it’s true. They help with grief and sadness and plain old rotten days. Also wine. And treating yourself to things you haven’t done since you got married. Book days in pjs. Treat yourself the way you wish he’d have treated you. Spa days. Flowers for no reason. Whatever it is you wanted him to give you just give it to yourself.
Like spouses going to jail for 13 years
Love warrior by Glennon Doyle melton
Take care of your health. It’s so easy to get sick when grieving.
You probably don’t have any appetite so use it as an excuse to eat super healthy.
Get massages! A couple a week if you can afford it.
Make social plans but remember that you don’t have to stay long if you get too emotional. Your friends will understand!
Ride your bike, skate, do tumbling, jump rope! Do anything fun that keeps you active because working out (as long as it’s no too strenuous) fights depression.
If you have children let their fun spirits help you through. Let them know that you are sad and trying to get happy again. My Mom used to swing, climb trees, have dance and cartwheel competitions with us! She was battling depression and letting her inner child out was really healing for her.
Be nice to yourself. Think of the person you love the most and try to give equal love, patience, to yourself while you are trying to acclimate
Xoxox
As far as reading, I read horror when I’m sad. It scares the sad right out of me. Funny books work for some people too.
I wouldn’t read anything sad (or watch sad films) while you are feeling low.
So many good suggestions, thanks. Playing with my kids does help a lot
I had an affair with Ben and Jerry. I broke up with them earlier this year.
Yes. Ask God for help
??
If you’ve ever read the Bible, you’d know God is the last one to go to.
“Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
Ephesians 5:20-33 KJV
Please don’t
Oh dear. Don’t rammeth it downeth other peoples throateth. Thine shouldeth realiseth this isnt the placeth for bible bashing. And yeah I have a lithp
its just inappropriate.
I was just looking for a book recommendation
And one last comment………women .., don’t ever submit unto your husbands.Stupid quote.
@Laura if there is a time when you just want to be pissed and laugh at the same time….THE WAR BETWEEN THE TATES. Perhaps not now, but…….
Oh…REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
Ps I love you. Grieve and move on. Better things are coming xxxxx
Marc Maron – Attempting Normal
I read the power of a praying wife by stormy omartian. It helped me realize where my things went wrong and prepared me to choose better the next time. I got exactly what I prayed for ?
Also, adopt a few house plants! I talk to mine when I water and clean them, and I feel like they respond. Also, my 4 year old has a snail ? we named Stanley. Every morning he wakes up excited to see him. Adopt small things you can love ?
I haven’t found much that’s helped, but I know how you are feeling. I am grieving the end of my marriage as well. You aren’t alone.
Time
Xoxox
Read eat pray love x
And then wait a while until it’s not so raw and you are ready to move on. Then read commitment.
Lots of chocolate and wine?
@love warrior by @Glennon Doyle Melton
@Rising Strong by Dr. Brene Brown
@Plan B by Sharon Salzburg
Stay brace and kind. Better things are coming. Grieving Is hard work! Be compassionate with yourself.
So sorry for your distress. What you read may depend if you are suffering due to a the death of a spouse or the death of the marriage. either way it si so hard.
Not much will help now but I am sending you love and prayers. You will heal.
Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, MD
esther perel
First, I am so sorry for your loss. If you need to vent message me. Second, weird book that I found extremely helpful was “he’s just not that into you” by greg behrendt and liz tuccillo. It was an eye opening read and helped me not fall into the standard pitfalls in other relationships.
Lorrie Moore and Jill McCorkle write funny, smart, wise, sad novels about people in contemporary relationships, some of which end and some of which weather various storms. I recommend both writers.
Is your marriage over? Or is there still hope?
Oh, it’s over. We’re starting to talk to lawyers and it’s very stressful
Well since you haven’t gotten there yet, I’d suggest reading Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs if there’s any sliver of hope.
That sounds like a title everyone should read
Truly sorry for ur loss. It is so real.
I read through my divorce. Found it cathartic. How about The Ginger Tree.
I just finished The comfort food diaries by Emily Nunn. I enjoyed it, I found it to be kind of a meandering read. She suffers a big break-up, the death of her brother, a relapse into alcoholism and some family dysfunction and deals with it by finding more reliable family, reconnecting with old friends and cooking. She includes recipes if that’s a plus for you!
I am passed the crying faces and now onto the how do I move on with my life phase
Gently
Dorothea Benton Frank has a novel that deals with divorce and moving on and it’s humorous to boot I can’t remember the title but if you look up the author you should find the book
Good luck
It’s called Sullivan’s Island by Dorothea Benton Frank
Thanks
The BEST nonfiction book if he demonstrated any scintilla of verbal abuse is “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” by Patricia Evans. You may think he was not verbally abusive. Check out this book. I bet you will see him. Verbal abuse is not just being called stupid. Or a bitch. It’s a smorgasbord of things men do to woman. I was where you are. I divorced and this book saved my sanity. Also books about Narcissistic Personality Disorder May be helpful. Best of luck.
Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement, the advice and the book recommendations..
End of the Affair by Graham Greene
Not a book, but a blog .. http://chumplady.com/ … saved my life reading the many stories here..
The best book for getting over divorce is called Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life, revised edition
Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas- helped me understand the emotions (raw, uncontrollable rage, among other wonders I didn’t expect to feel at 60 yrs old). This book was recommended by a dear friend and now I’ve given it to many others.
Elena Ferrante’s Days of Abandonment.
Geir Gulliksen’s Story of a Marriage (fiction, a great modern read)
The Nightingale. It’s a great story to lose yourself in.